Simpler Times

I miss them, that's one thing that kept popping up in my head with the snow we got towards the end of January. Here at the North Carolina coast, snow is very uncommon, especially the five inches or so we got after the polar vortex dropped as far south as Florida. Needless to say, outside of placing salt on the roads before the snow began, once it fell it became a game of "do I wait for it to melt or do I risk my safety for work," and I opted to stay home.

Safety was my biggest reason for doing so, not knowing how my almost half-an-hour route to and from work was looking, but I would be dishonest if I didn't say that getting some quality family time in didn't play a part as well. Getting to build snowmen, have snowball fights, make snow angles and snow cream, and of course attempting to force our cats into an igloo with my wife and kid were the trade-off for not potentially harming myself or others for pay that just barely helps us in our financial situation.

Despite that, I had very heavy anxiety and guilt about missing work, that it would cause a rift between myself and my employer or have a larger-than-anticipated effect on our income. Because of that, I wasn't completely present on enjoying the moment, my mind at times instead opting for overthinking about possible outcomes that lines up pretty well with this constant need I have to be prepared for anything. This has been a thing for the entirety of my working career, from not taking enough time off for the birth of our son to working through kidney stone pain, something that a lot of people would spin into strength when for me personally, it's a weakness.

I've written about my mental health and possible autism and what have you before. I am what they call a "people pleaser," except I'm fairly certain I've been in burnout since late 2021. I thought my people pleasing stemmed from what I believe to be the golden rule in life, treat others how you want to be treated, but I've realized that ideal doesn't really apply to those behaviors. Instead, it stems from fear of rejection, fear of abandonment. I learned throughout my upbringing that my value was based upon my contributions, which is why I was tasked with being caretaker as soon as I was deemed old enough.

Of course, what a person or entity considers contributory is unique to them. A lot of the friends I have and had felt that I was a safe space for vulnerability, sharing issues and struggles and not-so-societal-normal views, some felt I was a source of knowledge or perspective, the impression I generally give people is that I'm a bit socially awkward but that I care, work hard, and encourage everybody to put their best foot forward, none of which are bad things. However, despite those being genuine aspects of who I am, it's not the full picture.

I tend to use agreeableness as a means to avoid conflict, and the easiest example of this is with politics. I don't really consider myself a Republican or a Democrat, if anything I have spent the most time as a voter feeling that our electoral setup and system goes against the merits of democracy and boils it down to a team game, right versus wrong. I used to be very engaged with political discourse and trying to understand the differing perspectives on common issues, feeling like that was necessary to course correct as a country and society, but to be frankly honest, it has been terrifying to witness people getting consumed supporting people that, ultimately, at the end of the day don't care about you and I past who we vote for.

Which is why my reaction to political discourse is to shy away, unless I feel that safe in our relationship. Which is so stupid, I remember growing up in an America that emphasized people having their voting record private, where voting was treated and respected as an expression of personal choice, which signified that political views weren't the end all be all of someone's identity. Of course, when things like basic human rights are made into a political spectacle to foster this multi-decade conning of the American populace, I guess it's not surprising to see why and how that one portion grew in significance.

It's similar to how I view religion. Christianity was very prevalent in my childhood, but even then something just didn't sit right with me. There were the experiences that shattered my faith with an overwhelming sense of abandonment, but also the ways I witnessed some of those who claimed to hold faith behaving, and how that has only increased over the course of my life. Despite the requirement for church and state to be separate, religion has become very heavily intertwined in our politics, and now our government, and it's mind boggling to me.

Matthew 22:37-39 says "Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself." That's from the King James Version, by the way.

Love thy neighbour as thyself. If I'm being honest, that is something I have seen very little of from those claiming to follow the teachings of Jesus. If Jesus were to return and witness what is taking place right now, I highly doubt their faith would be recognized, let alone pass. Jesus's message was about loving one another, not about only loving who speaks your language, shares your views, agrees with your philosophy, and whatever other divisional talking points these lovely politicians have created to drag you into their game. Universal healthcare, universal basic healthcare, equal rights, rights to having shelter? These are all things I know that he would stand for, yet things that a majority of these people will vehemently fight against.

Because of manipulation and fearmongering. The hatred of DEI is a great example, to them DEI was a program intended to take away jobs from the white workforce, when in actuality it was about ensuring non-white male candidates were put on an even field with them. The FAA deeply invested in this program to fill the overwhelming staffing shortages they frequently have, and what happens shortly after it gets the axe? American's die because now that ATC is short-staffed because they lost a good chunk of their workforce. Did they have to die? Absolutely not. Would Jesus be horrified? Absolutely.

Or, let's talk about Gitmo, the naval prison in Cuba that was built in 2002 where several war crimes were committed. The expansion of available capacity to house 30,000 illegal immigrants, especially after the man that Trump has allowed unlimited access to the federal government despite being an immigrant himself and unelected did multiple Nazi salutes, gives a horrifying feeling. The federal funding freeze, which is going to impact SNAP, Medicare, community services, women shelters, homeless shelters, and a vast array of other things that are going to have an impact on a majority of Americans, shows not just their actual genuine apathy towards us, but was actually meant to provoke a response.

I know that one thing people believe is that social programs like SNAP are taken advantage of, or that it's just easy free money, or encourages people to not commit to the workforce. My family receives SNAP benefits, used to live in Section 8, me and my wife both work as many hours as we can without neglecting our other responsibilities, and if we lost SNAP I have no doubt that my wife and I would have to skip meals to make sure our kid can eat. Especially with tariffs, where people don't seem to understand that these companies aren't going to lower the prices of goods we don't have the infrastructure to manufacture ourselves once/if tariffs are removed, with groceries in particular getting hit hard with the amount of produce we get from Mexico on top of the bird flu egg shortage.

Love thy neighbour as thyself. That means placing yourself in the shoes of your neighbors and understanding them as if they were you. If you personally were in the shoes of these people who were born here under immigrant parents, how would you view the conduct of ICE right now and all of the deportation rhetoric? If you were in the shoes of somebody requiring federal assistance to afford a place to live and to have food to eat, how would you feel right now?

The other thing that keeps me away from the modern carnations of Christianity is the overwhelming sense of forcing faith. To me, that goes against the whole point of holding faith in the first place, which is something that comes about internally as opposed to from the external. If someone suddenly holds faith because someone else commanded them too, do they actually hold faith? I'd argue no, because they didn't develop that personal connection, instead they were made to force it. That's what I see the rhetoric based around condemning people to Hell for holding different understandings about different issues, as trying to force faith. Faith would actually be shown by hearing and respecting their position, understanding where their difference of opinion comes from, and then introducing an alternative perspective based on faith and encouraging open thinking and letting them ultimately decide what their personal beliefs are. But I guess they've forgotten that this country was founded for freedom, especially freedom of religion, at least if our descent into fascism is any indication.

I didn't even mention the mega churches, or the various cults that used religion as a template, etc. I believe that having faith in a creator or higher being(s) is a very powerful thing, and that wanting to connect and build communities with those that have like-minded faiths is a very admirable thing, but I also believe that there are a slew of faiths that have been hijacked to push an agenda that goes against the very religious principles they're supposedly devoted to upholding, and that the most effective means they've had is through fearmongering and making you feel like other groups are out to get you. I kindly, but urgently, ask you to take that into consideration and give different perspectives a glance to see if the way things are progressing align with your religious values and moral compass.

With love and peace, until next time.